Diving Back Into The Dating Pool: Internet Dating

Last Updated on April 13, 2016 by lydiaf1963

Today’s guest blogger is my friend Tree. She has been dipping her toes in the treacherous waters of Internet Dating. If you find yourself in a similar situation she has some advice for you…

After 19 years of marriage to my high school sweetie, I never imagined I’d be single at middle age, but, that’s exactly where I am…I’ll spare you the details of the hub’s mid life crisis, but once you fight over who gets what, sign the divorce papers and have the emotional meltdown of all meltdowns, you’ll find yourself back in the single world of dating…joy…

You will be set up by friends or coworkers, will sit on way too many bar stools because everyone– who’s not single–will tell you “Get out and mingle!” Eventually you will find yourself trying online dating. By this time, you’re tired of getting dressed to impress the local losers, you’re lonely and that Plenty Of Fish ad keeps popping up whenever you surf the web.

Here’s where my horrible experiences can become your dating gain. When a man’s profile reads “I would like a woman to accept me for who I am”, KEEP SCROLLING!! This is a huge red flag. He has issues, problems or drama. Trust me on this one, this is way more than I snore or play video games. This dude is usually “between jobs”, sleeping on granny’s sofa and has an immature mindset. He’s the type that needs to catch a ride from someone to come meet you. He will drink water if he’s paying or 5 beers if you’re foolish enough to. He has already found out that respectable women aren’t impressed by him and this is his subconscious way of cutting to the chase from the jump.

If you’re lucky, some men are foolish enough to use their real info as a screen name. Behold, SamWilsonhot4u or Larryfuntimezjohnson. Ladies, please search their name on your local judicial sites. All states have them. If funtimez hasn’t already told you enough about Mr. Johnson, your local judicial case search will. You have it all before you…name, town and age. You’ll be amazed at what you will find out. Does he speed, smoke weed? Owe child support? Been in jail? Have any foreclosures? If you’re really into this sort of thing, once you have their address from the judicial site, you can do a google satellite image search. Does he really live in that condo on the water? Hell, after a while, you’re like the FBI!

The point is, anyone can be anybody behind a screen and this is a great method of picking through the weeds. Lastly, I can’t stress enough, the importance of profile photos. What’s in his pics? Beach towels for curtains? Are they all taken in the bar? Hoarded up rooms? Women’s products on his bathroom counter? Are there books on the coffee table? His granny’s oxygen? Does he like cats?

It’s the details ladies….

After a while, you will find few sincere profiles, make it through a couple of awkward phone chats and exchange Facebook names. Eventually you may progress to what I like to call the meet & greet. Congrats! With luck, you’ll meet someone who is right for you… I’m still waiting, (sigh).

When you do finally meet remember the important thing is to be safe! Tell a friend where you’re going. Only meet in public. Park near the entrance. I suggest coffee, book store or bowling alley. Never at a park or somewhere you leave your car and “walk”.

It can be scary to venture out of your comfort zone and meet someone new! But of all these things, though, listen to your gut. It never lets you down! Repeat that in your head a few times. If something feels “off” it is and it’s OK to stop correspondence. Remind yourself that you shouldn’t settle for anything less than you know you deserve. Repeat that, too. Never, and I’m telling you this from my own experience, allow someone in your life just because you’re lonely. It never works because they’ll be the wrong person, there for the wrong reasons and after a while you’ll realize you don’t like them anyway. Take your time, take care and (I repeat this myself) things normally happen in their own time. XO